What the hell is going on?
by Terenak
Summary: A Human Paladin wakes up one day to find a female troll sleeping with an arm draped over him and that the life and Morals he used to know were tossed in a blender set for mix.
1. Rude Awakening

What the Hell is going on?

WoW Fanfic

Summary: A Human Paladin wakes up one day to find a female troll sleeping with an arm draped over him and that the life and Morals he used to know were tossed in a blender set for mix.

Disclaimer: I do not own WoW or Blizzard, I just write Parodies of them:P

Claimer: I own the names Sakal, Basdu, and Eilinora any resemblance to names on other realms is purely coincidental. My parents own Imrauhl, Jenymn, and Vorgrim

Please review and let me know anything you think would be helpful; Flames will be used to raise cooking skill:D

Chapter 1: Rude awakening

Sytrum opened his eyes groggily and looked around at an unfamiliar room. He looked down at himself and found a skinny blue arm draped over him. He slowly turned his head until he was face to face with a sleeping female troll. He gave out a little yelp and jumped out of the bed.

"What's wrong?" the troll said in perfect common with that distinct troll accent.

"Errrr," Sytrum said realizing that the troll was not wearing much, "Who are you, and where am I?"

The troll looked surprised and a bit hurt, "I am your wife, and we are in our home in Southshore."

"Wait," said Sytrum, "Wife? The last thing I remember was fighting off a bunch of demons in the outlands."

"That was fifteen years ago, you were knocked out by them and would have died if I hadn't been there with some other horde to fend the demons off and heal you."

"When you awoke we fell in love and got married," The troll said as she stood and Sytrum realized she wore next to nothing, "Of course we were rejected at first, but then our two friends, an orc and Night elf, got married as well and it spread from there until it was completely common for horde and alliance to marry."

"So, all the fighting between horde and alliance stopped?"

"No, not completely, there were still some who did not like this, Most dwarves, gnomes, and undead, a few groups of humans and orcs as well as almost all the Dranei and Blood Elves. They still fight each other, mostly from Silvermoon, Ironforge, and Exodar."

Sytrum was completely confused, "How could I forget all of that, I don't even remember your name."

At this the troll seemed perplexed as well, "My name is Jenymn, and as for how you lost your memory of our marriage I am not sure."

Then Sytrum began to look pretty horrified, "Do we have kids?"

"No, but we did have sex last night," Jenymn said with a shy smile on her face.

"Then I guess we are married because I would never have sex with someone that I was not married to." Sytrum said as he began looking around for his clothes since he was not wearing much either.

Jenymn walked over to a wardrobe and opened it pulling out the plate armor of a High Paladin and a set of fur covered mail armor. She handed him the plate and began putting on the mail armor. Sytrum put on the greaves and boots of the armor as well as the belt. When she finished with her armor she helped him into his chest piece and shoulder pads. Then she gave him a loving kiss on the cheek as she left the bedroom. Sytrum was disoriented from that, as he was still not used to being married to a troll. He shook himself out of his stupor though and put on his bracers and gloves. Then he left the bedroom and walked into the world he had forgotten.

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Do you like it? Again please review and tell me anything I could make better or just review and tell me that you want more:D


	2. Uh oh, Neighbors

Seed-King:Thank you very much, especially since I don't think I have Potential

Fluttercannon: I am glad you like my story as I thought of it while reading Why do we stick together again? :)

Chapter 2: Uh oh, neighbors…

Sytrum walked out into what was apparently the library and heard Jenymn talking with some people down stairs.

"He's here but he might not remember you as his memory has strangely disappeared, but don't feel bad he didn't recognize me this morning."

"Even though you had sex last night?" A male voice with an orcish accent said with a laugh, "Don't look like that, from what we heard it was pretty passionate, wouldn't be surprised if the whole town heard you."

Sytrum moved towards the stairs making a lot of noise as his boots clomped on the wooden stairs. He reached the bottom and turned to see Jenymn sitting on a chair across from a couch facing away from him with a male orc on it dressed in what looked like the armor he had seen the guards at Ogrimmar wear. Almost completely draped over him was a night elf woman dressed in extremely black leather armor. Everyone turned and looked at him, the Night elf with a slightly possessive look. Sytrum recognized her as Elienora a rogue who had traveled with him when he had just gotten out of Northsire Abbey.

"Good morning Sytrum how are you?" The Orc said with a wave amazingly not dislodging Elienora.

"Ummmm, fine except for 15 years of my memory being gone, who are you?"

"Name's Sakal I'm was one of the people in the group that saved you that day."

"Ah, then since I can't remember, thank you for saving my life."

"It was nothing, really," Sakal replied with a dismissive wave of his hand, "Just don't tell Imrauhl that or he'll just near bore you to death with all the details of what he calls 'The Rescue that Saved us All'."

"Who is Imrauhl?"

"A forsaken mage that almost worships us."

"Oh, well, I am sorry about my memory loss and I need to think about all that I have been told, so I am extremely sorry but I shall be in the bedroom if anyone needs me."

With that Sytrum turned on his heel and went back up the stairs to the bedroom. On the way there he thought that it might have something to do with the still warring factions so he went back down the stairs and told them his theory.

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There you go, another chapter, I'm sorry if it is a bit inconclusive, but I don't really think I am any good at writing stories.:( Also sorry that it is short)


	3. The assassin

Sorry about the chapters being short and not having better descriptions, I have put many descriptions in this chapter and have tried to make it longer.

Claimer: Pyrodan is a name of my creation any resemblance to a Blood Elf on any server is most likely coincidence :P unless it's my Blood elf

The third chapter of this Story hope you like it, again please review with any comments, even if you just want to say that you liked it, I will not post a new chapter until someone has reviewed this one and until I have written it:)

Chapter 3:The Assassin

Sytrum sat in the chair that he had pulled up beside Jenymn and looked at everyone as they thought about what he had said. As he sat there he took a good look at everyone since he had not had the chance earlier. There was a scar running across Sakal's face and that a chunk of his ear had been torn off, his hair was black and he had a beard braided in the way he had seen Thrall's beard when he had seen him that one time he had raided Ogrimmar. He wondered if Sakal or Jenymn had been defending Ogrimmar that day. With that thought he looked at his wife and noticed that the tusks were almost non-existent, the only indication of them were the raised bumps on the side of her jaw. Her hair, a fiery orange, was shoulder length and was tangled, indication of the sex last night. He looked back at Sakal, whose skin was as green as any other orc.

He then noticed that Elienora was staring at him with those eerie bronze-colored eyes. Her dark blue hair hid half of her face and half of the markings that he had never been able to tell what they were supposed to be. Her skin was a dark purple and he looked back at Jenymn to wrench his eyes from her gaze. He lost himself in his study of his wife's body, her shining hair, her beautiful eyes. It was then that he realized two things. One, He reall did love her, and two, she was looking at him.

He started and looked around realizing that everyone was looking at him,

"What?"

"I asked what you intended to do about your theory?" Sakal said.

"Ummm, I was thinking that we could either find a warlock to scry on them, or we go confront them ourselves taking Imrauhl and possibly a hunter to be a guide," Sytrum said, blushing a little.

"That is a good idea I know where we can find a warlock to try to scry," Sakal said with a nod, "He was a good friend of mine before the Tearing of the Barrier."

"What?" Sytrum said extremely perplexed.

Sakal started as Jeneymn explained, "That is what our marriage is being called, a silly name I think since people treat us as leaders, both those who agree with us and those who don't."

At that moment Sakal felt a prickling on the back of his neck and he heard the sound of a dagger being drawn. He jumped out of his chair, grabbed it and tossed it in the direction of the sound, which was behind him in the direction of the door. There was a grunt as the chair connected with something. A male blood elf came out of stealth as he hit the wall, he was dressed from head to toe in black armor, a mask covering his entire face. Sytrum looked around for his sword, he couldn't find the one he had, but he found a two-handed sword leaning against the wall. He grabbed it without looking at it, he drew it and faced the rogue. The rogue stealthed, but Sytrum could still tell that he was there and the general direction but not the exact position. He felt a hand on his arm, he looked and noticed that Jenymn was standing next to him, behind her was Sakal. He knew that Eilinora had stealthed and he knew where she was. He turned and struck out at an area where he thought that he had heard something, the only sound was the swish of air from his swinging sword. He started when Sakal smacked the ground with his hammer and bolts of lightning shot through the floor.

Jenymn took a piece of carved wood out of her belt pouch and tossed it onto the ground, The piece of wood stuck straight and formed into a totem of fire. A bolt of fire shot out at a seemingly empty space and the enemy rogue shot out of stealth into the blazing fireplace. He ran out of it and into Sakal's arms as a storm began forming above him.

He struggled to get free of Sakal as rain fell inside the house dousing the fire, but he was held tight. Eilinora came out of stealth and righted the chair Sytrum had thrown, she moved the chair over near Sakal and he put the Blood elf in the chair and held him there Eilinora tied the rogue up.

When the Blood elf was tied up Sakal moved away as Sytrum walked up.

"Who are you, assassin?" Sytrum said not bothering to conceal the venom in his voice.

The Blood elf just looked at him until Eilinora smacked him on the back of the head at which point he looked down at his feet.

"Eilinora give me your dagger with crippling poison on it," Sytrum said holding out his hand, His face betraying no emotion.

When Eilinora handed him the dagger he tore of the mask and gasped. The Assassin's face was criss-crossed with scars, one of his eyes were missing, only his hair seemed untouched. Sytrum grabbed a fistful of the assassin's hair and cut it off. The assassin struggled saying something in Orcish.

"He says that you never asked him anything," Sakal said.

Sytrum paused, dagger in mid-cut, "Oh, then ask him, Who he is, and Who was his target."

Sakal spoke to the assassin in Orcish and the assassin spoke hurriedly eyeing Sytrum's hand that held the dagger.

"He says that his name is Pyrodan Silkrunner and that you were his target," Sakal said looking at Sytrum worriedly.

"Ask him if he knows why my memory of the last fifteen years is gone," Sytrum said, motioning at the assassin's hair with the dagger as Sakal spoke in Orcish.

The assassin looked surprised, looked at Sakal and asked something, Sakal gave him an answer and the assassin shrugged as he looked back at Sytrum with a hint of symptathy as he said something in orcish.

"What did he say?" Sytrum asked, Sakal.

"He asked me if it was true, I told him that it was and he said that he did not know, that he had just been told to kill you." Sakal said.

Eilinora laid a hand on Sytrum's arm as he opened his mouth to ask another question.

She handed him a potion, "This is a potion of translation, it will allow you to speak and understand any language for one hour, it is a discovery possible because of Alliance and Horde mages and Alchemists working together."

Sytrum took the vial unstopped the cork and drank it down. It had a vile taste, bitter, sweet, and sour all at the same time.

"Please don't hurt me," Pyrodan said, Sytrum started when he realized he could understand him.

"You are an assassin, you were supposed to kill me, and you say you didn't know I had lost my memory? What kind of assassin are you?" Sytrum said, Pyrodan looked up surprised.

"You speak Thalassian?" He said.

"I took a potion of Translation, now answer the question."

"I was told to kill you and where you could be found, I asked for more information but they said it was not important."

"Who are they?" Sytrum felt a red hot rage taking hold.

"The council at Silvermoon who run our efforts against those who have accepted marriage between the Horde and the Alliance."

"I don't think you are telling me everything they told you." Sytrum said as he slashed Pyrodan's shoulder.

"I've told you everything I know."

Sytrum slashed Pyrodan again and again in varying placing being sure not to hit anywhere vital.

"You're lying!" He shouted.

An eerie black glow surrounded Sytrums hands and Pyrodan, Sytrum stopped slashing as Pyrodan yelled in pain.

"Please, I'll tell you everything I know just stop the pain!" He shouted

The black light died away as Sytrum's rage gave way to a sick satisfaction, "Then tell me."

"I have told you a little but not everything, yes I asked, and yes the council refused, but I asked around and discovered that you were the one who crossed the racial barrier and married a troll. I also learned that you were the Head Paladin of Southshore. That is all I have discovered about you, I was told that if you died and if it was made to look like you or your wife killed you that not only would southshore be in chaos, but many would go back to their racial prejudices."

"I see, is that all?"

"Yes that is all that I know."

"Then I have no further use for you," Sytrum said, becoming enraged that anyone would try to make someone think that he would kill himself, let alone his wife killing him. The black light came surrounded Pyrodan again as Sytrum started slashing with reckless abandon, not caring about the screams of pain.

He only stopped when Jenymn laid a hand on his arm, pulled him away from the corpse of the assassin, and kissed him, breaking his concentration. The black light died and Sytrum collapsed in his wife's arms and began crying. Jenymn comforted him, as she fell to the ground from his weight.

Sytrum stopped crying, wiped his eyes, and stood as if he had never broken down. He helped Jenymn up to her feet.

"We are going to confront the Blood Elves, find Imrauhl and get ready, we'll be leaving soon.

Another chapter. Don't worry about the black light. After all he was a warrior before he married Jenymn :P


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